TAHTS A MITSAKE !

A for Apple. B for Bat. C for Cat. And so on. The spelling of an apple is A-P-P-L-E. Of a bat is B-A-T. Of a cat is C-A-T. And so on. As far as I can remember, we have always been relying on our memory for recalling spellings of words. Earlier I used to think what use is this all of? Is the burning of the midnight oil justified? As maturity took over and innocence became a rarity, it got justified on its own, because you would get a “Very Good” in your notebook (those small ones which we used in primary school, remember them?) if all of your spellings were right, even if you hadn’t the slightest of clue what those meant. That was that. That was then.
Just sometime ago, I chanced to read upon a survey done by, who other than, Cambridge University. And all my hopes came crashing down. Don’t those #$&%@! people have anything else to do? All those formative years of mine that had been spent learning the nuances of alphabets and their bureaucratized usage seemed like an illusion, like an Indian Dream which always crashes, and that too all in a jiffy. Why and what for did such a horrendous thing happen to me! And to me alone. Hey just a second, and a naughty grin covering my face. You, yes, you are also with me. Ah! A sigh of relief. Every intelligent person who did the same thing as I, or maybe every foolish person, was with me! I was not alone. Their survey was a bit perplexing and a bit enigmatic. And this is what they had to say, ”for any word, except in some cases, if the order of alphabets is changed, the first and the last being the same, then also, the reader would experience no difficulty as such in reading those words, because the mind analyses and projects its own image of the word to be read, before it actually is read, on what is being read, and the same applies to paragraphs with such jumbled words”. Satyanaash!!!
So my penchant for perfecting “The Queens Language” turned out to be futile. Otherwise why would have I worried myself to get words like these right – triskaidekaphobia, valetudinarian, asphyxiation, ultracrepidarian…and the list is endless. My heart was weeping from the inside. And it was all due to these treacherous angrezi saabs. But from now onwards no stone was to be left untruned. I mean unturned. Got it? All the “Very Good’s” were just a mirage. So all you poeple out there, don’t watse a mintue of yuor’s in matsering the veraciousness of it. In the end, it’s all going to be vexatious. Let the past be past. To bury the hatchet is not that easy though. But friends, from now, when you have your own children, and I am sure they would be in dozens, don’t ever fret over them if they can’t spell an A-P-P-L-E, for an apple can be A-P-L-P-E, it can even be A-L-P-P-E, and if you can’t get it, damn you! Sorry! But as all of you should know, English is a phunny language, here is a small poem doing rounds on the Internet…

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox should be oxen not oxes.

Then one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hise.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called a beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

So English, I fancy you will agree,
is the craziest language you ever did see.

Well, having said that, still you can’t deny the veritable fact that English has spread its wings far beyond the reachable. But given the vicissitudes, which one has to go through, one should not be obdurate if there’s a chance to improve upon a language, any language. And yes, you have your own chance to take revenge. Well…almost.
Ok, so everyone’s just dying to be perfect in English, with the connoisseur’s telling us that unless and until we have a very good command over it, we are just a set of gimcracks! Maybe it frightens us at first, but slowly with time, perseverance, and hard work, we become, or almost become, “perfect” in “their” language. Sounds like a cliché? Yes it does. But with “Globalization” being the buzzword, can others be far behind? As far as English is concerned, you get ample chances to learn it. But also French, Latin, and many other languages are finding their use in English. They are being literally borrowed. And this is one of the most impressive and decisive factors, which works in favor of it. English is “open” to newer words, never being obstinate. And even Hindi words have found place in reputable dictionaries, like “bazaar”, “yaar”, and lots more!
So it would be better if you try to grasp small words and phrases of different languages, as this might not only improve your vocabulary, but also using phrases from other languages have become a kind of “in thing”. So here I present you some of the words, which when known to you, will be your pride and neighbor’s envy.

Bonjour – good morning (French)

Bon soir – good evening (French)

Bete noire – a person who is hated or disliked very much (French)

Mea culpa – at or by my own fault, acknowledge one’s mistake (Latin)

Beau monde – world of high society and fashion (French)

Bon apetit – used to indicate delicious meal ready to be eaten, or just wishing someone to enjoy the meal

Bon vivant – someone who seeks pleasure/fun (French)

Nada – nothing (Spanish)

R.S.V.P – a request at the end of a letter, for reply (French)

A la Carte – according to the menu (in restaurants) (French)

Ad absurdum – to the point of absurdity (Latin)

Ad nauseam – to a sickening degree (Latin)

Bona fide – in good faith, genuine (Latin)

Carte blanche – unrestricted power to act on one’s own (French)

De rigueur – strictly required, as by etiquette, fashion, or usage (French)

Faux pas – a social blunder (French)

Nota bene – note well; take notice (Italian)

Quid pro quo – something for something, tit for tat (Latin)

Veni, vidi, vici – I came, I saw, I conquered (Latin)

Vox populi – voice of the people/masses (Latin)